Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Clean Up

Last night I finally took the step to clear out the toxic webs from the closet of my life. Have been thinking about it for ages, discussed it to death with all my friends, consulted horoscope readings to see if/how/when this should be done. I guess the final decision happened when the weightedness just overwhelms everything else.

The clean up took ages in coming, but was done in 20 seconds. Over. Final.

I wait for the sense of liberation to hit me. It hasn't. Maybe it's the protective sense of numbness and steely hardness that envelopes me now, the cocoon I've built up for insurance. But from experience, the heart catches up with the head in a delayed reaction. Then hurt, pain and possibly relief and liberation thereafter. Not possibly, definitely.

Certainty is always better than uncertainty. Pieces in my life are starting to fall into place now. Seems I've tackled 3 things at one go instead of small, baby steps. Or rather they all seem to pick the same pace. The job offer has been prepared, the assignments are moving along and I got a good grade for the paper that I had the worst mental block in my entire student career, and the toxic clean up has been done. Oh and the icing on the cake? The sale of my apartment has been completed, I have (some extra) money!

I think this calls for a celebration.



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